In your face

Friday, October 28, 2005

I feel sick.Both physical and mental/emotional. I need sleep.And I choose to oversleep. I feel very robotic and I sound robotic too. My sentences are random and not nicely linked. I feel like im on the edge and if anybody were to come any closer,i would burst and explode. My shoulders are heavy and I feel myself hunch as I walk up the stairs at home. Everythings messy. My school progress, my thoughts. I missed an hour of lab yesterday and felt sleepy in bio class. I missed 2 hours of different tutorials today. Not making things better, Im commanded to do a dressing demonstration and I have not perfected the skills nor have I read through through the manuals. And this is only the 2nd wk of the semester. I feel cramped up, squeezed hard. I can feel my juices slowing trickling down my body. Please lets not have anything to trigger the flesh from being bombed.

My thoughts are messy. I did say that didnt i? I feel like a zombie. And what I really need is sleep. I need to rejuvenate myself.

Yesterday I bukaed with my nursepals - Ain,Ain kecik, Nana,Aishah, Wadi and Fadz. They suprised me with a cake at the end of it all. How sweet right? Indeed. From Beach Rd to Geylang. No offence but i dont like that place,not a bit. Go figure. Anyway, from Geylang to.. home. Ahh, you see.. I left the group to walk to a bustop or.. home as home was still a walking distance. A far walking distance. But somehow walking far didnt mattered to me. I felt i need it. But no, as imperfect as everything is.. it started to pour heavily, very very heavily. Add in thunder and lightning non stop. I was scared shit. I HATE thunder and lightning. But see, im a big girl so hence it didnt scare me as much. Ok whatever main thing was, I was all alone ok fullstop. I didnt reach home until 11. In the end i took a bus to Kembangan and my mom fetched me. Sucky aint it. But i couldnt help it. Shit happens. So. As i reached home all tired and moody, i reached for my bed and curled up in a fetal position. Thank God im home.

I need sleep. and a counsellor. Ive got issues to deal about myself, i think. Who knows right?

And to you, i hope you are reading my blog. Im too shagged to sms or take the effort to call. I read your blog and you cant blame me if i "terasa". Whoever who knows who I am talking about, PLEASE. do me a favour and inform her or him. Whatever it is, this is going to be selfish of me to him but.. just for my own searching for a peaceful mind.. i seriously choose to just leave you and him be. Yah, hes apparently one of my best guy friends.. but so? i dont wish to cause any fights or eruptive emotions. I seriously dont. okay, i dont want and need this. neither do you nor him. and i said apparently coz i dont know anymore. haha what a laugh isnt it. yah im bitter but so? it doesnt matter. this has been a very very long issue which has been dragging on for donkey years. and i choose out. just keep in mind that he has only ever been a friend, a true friend. and you have to deal with your own insecurities and dominant self and not bring others down because of it. i respect you as an individual and a girlfriend to him. but seriously, im innocent and we all know that. if it isnt me, it would be another girl-friend of his. and this process would just carry on and on. just that, its with another girl- friend who would then be an apparently third party. you rock you own boat girl. hate me, i dont care. just as long as i take my leave now and see happy faces and peaceful minds. ok, please hush now. byebye.

im really worn out. i feel like just sitting and staring into nothing and let time pass by.

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rambled by AiS at 9:53 AM

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